Is it Friday Yet?

I don't often get too sappy, but it's been an emotional week for me. Maybe it's PMS, maybe I am just tired (I do think I have gotten some daycare funk from my angel), maybe I am just going soft…What ever it is,  this week has reminded me of one very important thing, often pushed in the back of my mind in the hustle and bustle of the everyday, I need to take a moment to be thankful for all the things I do have in life. It's not always easy to take a time out, human nature has us constantly trying to do more, be more, attain more…more, more, more! SO I am taking a time out, reflecting on the positives, shooing out the negative, and embracing all that I do have in my world. Life doesn't always happen for us how we plan for it to be, I mean seriously, you might think that would be awesome, but it would likely be boring, the big guy is way more creative than we are! For instance, if I was to live my 'plan' - I would not have allowed myself to be open and vulnerable enough to find my best friend and hubby. I would not have been receptive to the idea of experiencing the birth of another child, and I certainly would have missed spending my days being thoroughly entertained by a man with a sense of humor that rivals Tosh.0, and seriously - how fun would that have been? I know I am blessed everyday I wake up, and honestly I am so fortunate to have married my best friend, a man who loves my son as his own, and has given me (ok, technically I did the giving, but he is 50% responsible) the most beautiful daughter in the world. Not everyday is sunshine & butterflies coming out of my butt, that's not realistic, but it is perfectly imperfect and everyday we work together, to be the best we can be; for each other, our children, our family and our friends... go TeamEpton! I will admit, I am not the easiest person to get along with sometimes, not like a complete b!tch, but as my mother said once, 'Well dear, you are a bit standoffish'. I also love to hear people say I am intimidating... me? I'd say, confindent...or as my twenties slowly emerged to my 30's and I was still single (which everyone else seemed to have an issue with, and would spout things like "I wish you'd just find someone to make you happy" - make me happy? I'm in charge of my happiness, no one person is going to make me anything...lol), they would say, "Well it's because you are so independent and successful." There could have been some truth to that, but I figured if there was someone out there that fit the Ying to my Yang, he'd have to be pretty awesome! He would be very patient, and kind, yet, not take my sh#t in like a chocolate shake (or as it turns out, in his case, a Zaxby's Birthday Cake Milkshake - which he is inconsolable right now with rumors it won't return! Call to all Protesters!!!), and love me in my imperfect state because he doesn't see it as imperfection, just character and personality. I would say I've always favored the characters with the storm cloud that followed them around, or in Grumpy Bears case, flames out of his a$$... but I don't live like that...I wouldn't be able to stand myself. I will say, I reflect today because this week has been filled with crap. Friends moving away, going through some bad situations, facing decisions they shouldn't have to and being put in the 'worst case' scenarios of life. It makes me really appreciate the good things, big or small, in my own life. Of course, I urge everyone to do the same. So here is to my Tenderheart Bear, I appreciate how you love me, even when I require a fire extinguisher AND I won't lie, it helps that you know how to juggle too :) Live. Laugh. Love. oh and Run... I had to get that in there...lol

Strength, not just Physical

Flexing my
physical strength

There are times in our lives when we do not feel as strong as we actually are. There are moments that feel like we've been punched in the gut, kicked in the balls (if you have them), or having your heart ripped out (not literally - obviously)...

If you think of the most painful experience you have ever endured, is it physical? Or is it emotional? How did you make it through? There have been a few points in my life where I asked myself, when will this end? For me, the truest tests of strength were not physical at all.

It's hard to see a loved one or close friend suffer, to be faced with a situation that seems so unfair, unbelievable and just heartbreaking. A situation where everyone loses, and no one benefits. Finding the strength to continue on; not clearly knowing which direction to move, this can be a challenge that rivals any Ultra (I am guessing), walking across a mile of hot coals (not that I have tried), or sticking a needle in your eye (I imagine this is pretty painful)… So how do we as people move through these horrible situations we are faced with? Simply, love.

Well perhaps that is a tad simplistic but when you find yourself devastated, at your wits end, and you're emotionally drained, it can be something as simple as a word of encouragement, a hug from a friend, a shoulder to lean on and sometimes to cry on. Sometimes it is the little things that end up being the big things. You carry on and push through it like the last mile of a race, you just focus on what is important, tune out all the 'noise' and keep going forward to reach your goals. Not everyone may be cheering you on, there may be someone eye balling you from behind trying to steal your thunder, but you get that second wind, and you my friend are unstoppable.

Maybe you can do 100 push ups, but can you pull yourself up after you've been knocked down? For me, physical strength is only possible because of inner strength,  channeling mental toughness, and forging it into emotional strength, this is how we continue to move positively in a forward direction, without losing ground, and not allowing ourselves to shrink, to crumble, or to quit.

In the face of fury, in the eye of evil, in the depths of despair, that is when your true strength is tested. You decide to be strong, you decide to keep going; mentally, physically and emotionally, you decide. Of course it helps to have the love and support of friends and family, they are there for you to draw strength from. So if you find yourself hurt, scared, lost, pushed to the edge, don't give up, PUSH back. If you PUSH, everyone who supports you PUSHes too, because you are not alone.period.

So remember that.

What is YOUR Passion?

It's funny when I think back to the first time someone asked me, 'What is your Passion?', it was at a job interview. I thought it was an odd question really, my passion? Seriously? Is this even allowed? I was definitely caught off guard, there were things going through my head, but my final answer, 'Well I love to exercise'... I got the job despite my slow response accompanied by an equally bamboozled expression!

According to the good folks over at Merriam Webster, Passion is defined as

a : ardent affection : love

b : a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept

c : sexual desire [See why I was caught off guard at the interview?]

d : an object of desire or deep interest

Passion for me means something I do purposefully, with enthusiasm, determination and yes, it feels good! So I am passionate about running (even if I am not setting any land speed records, far from is honestly), I am passionate about helping people, whether it's offering advice, support or something as simple as holding the door open for a stranger, or anyone for that matter. I will say this, the last person I offered to help was not so friendly, but in today's world, I guess I get it. She was like 100 years old, and I asked her if she'd like me to help her load her groceries into the car... You'd think I was wearing a ski mask with a name tag that said, "Hello My Name is... Serial Killer or Grocery Thief"... grandma, I am heading INTO Walmart, not out of... geez.

Anyway, I was thinking about all these events I am wanting to do, some I have signed up for, others I have not (my money train carrying all my baby money trees is MIA...have you seen it?) and it just hit me, how passionate people are about certain things in life, and how passion makes life more exciting!

Now sometimes it's like lust, short term, fire in your trousers, flash in the pan passion. Like, for example, beading. One time, long ago, I hand beaded Christmas ornaments. I loved it, did it every day, made like 200 snowflakes. It was me, a solder iron and my blue and clear beads. After that, nothing. Now, this weekend I went to get some supplies thinking I'd take it up again, make them as a LLS fundraiser. I just stood there in the aisle of beads, dumbfounded, overloaded, confused... I walked away.

Then there is how I feel about running, and fitness in general really. Some people may feel the same way about biking or swimming or whatever. I have been running for close to 20 years, and yet never ran a 'race' until January 2007. Of course once I did, I was done for. This year, actually this month, will be my first Half Marathon. I am so unprepared, I would NEVER in a million years recommend anyone trying to run a half without proper training. BUT do as I say, not as I do... right? No.no.no. Lead by example...I'm prepared, for the most part, all but 100% mentally and that won't happen until I am crossing the finish line!

For those of you who don't know, I have been recovering from tendinitis, and it sucks...bad.

This is the convo that ensued, to the best of my recollection:

[Doc looking at me with a frown]: "I'd recommended no running for at least 4 weeks."

[Me looking at him with skepticism]: "Hmm so no Triathlon this weekend?"

[Him looking at me with chagrin]: "No."

[Me looking at him with one eyebrow raised, like the ROCK]: "Well I have a half marathon in 6 weeks, how about that?"

[Him looking at me with disbelief]: "Get yourself a good brace, and inserts, and take it slow."

SO, that technically was not a No. Two weeks later I was back out, with my brace. I know the doctor knows best, but I've already paid for it, I am doing it. So run, jog, walk, crawl or carried... I am going to collect my bling. They say Love is Blind, it may be deaf too... less than 20 days until the Myrtle Beach Mini Marathon!

So are you passionate about something? If you aren't, shouldn't you be?

You can't win them all...

So my big plans for this afternoon didn't happen exactly as planned... I thought I would finish work, roll by to see the hubby at work, then come home & get in a nice 5 mile run. Well most of that happened except the 5 miles. Apparently, Spring not only sprung, but it has evaporated into summer! I am not sure what I was thinking, with all my knowledge about physiology, how heat effects the body and exercise... why did I think that after only consuming a pop tart and a cup of coffee since 10am, that I could just dash out at 230pm, in 80+ degrees and put in 5 miles? Yeah, I'm not sure either... So lesson learned as I hit 2 miles, and then 2.5, passing my street unwilling to give up, trying to push through, only to decide to loop around and just complete 3.1 and not 5 :(

I will say this, my age predicted max is 185, and my heart rate at the end of my run was about 176... I was so hot, so overheated, I thought, Hope your a dumb ass! On the bright side, I walked by my moms, stopped in to shoot the sh*t, chugged some water and finally grabbed my bike out of her garage... so now I can fix my tire and start riding again!

So I guess tomorrow morning (before it gets too hot) I will head out again, in hopes of logging a 5 mile run at with a sub 10 average pace... Not sure if I can make the run at 7am with the Grand Strand Running Club, all depends on my little angel :)

I guess I subscribe to the theory that we don't make mistakes, we learn lessons... so here it is, eat enough food to sustain the activity you plan on doing, drink plenty of water so your little muscles and more importantly your big muscles can carry your sorry arse where you plan on going and for the love of petes sake - wear sunscreen!!!

Happy Weekend!